


I promise.

by labrinth666



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Atsumu Miya, F/M, Haikyuu - Freeform, High School, Inarizaki, Kiyoomi - Freeform, Mysophobia, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Rintarou, Rintarou Suna - Freeform, Sad, Sakusa - Freeform, Self Harm, anime angst, atsumu - Freeform, germaphobia, m/m - Freeform, miya - Freeform, osamu - Freeform, osamu miya - Freeform, suna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labrinth666/pseuds/labrinth666
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi had had mysophobia, (also known as germaphobia) for as long as he could remember. He was always a loner when he was younger, avoiding the disgusting children in the playground, washing his hands every twenty minutes, wearing a mask and gloves to social events...or even in his own home. His parents had always known there was something wrong with him.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 37





	I promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Sakusa goes to Inarizaki in this btw:)  
> Anywayyyyy hope you enjoy...
> 
> TW(s): self-harm, crying, mysophobia(germaphobia)
> 
> also this is based off of a tiktok i saw...if you wanna check it out, credits are: @homotsumu

Sakusa Kiyoomi had had mysophobia, (also known as germaphobia) for as long as he could remember. He was always a loner when he was younger, avoiding the _disgusting_ children in the playground, washing his hands every twenty minutes, wearing a mask and gloves to social events...or even in his own home. His parents had always known there was something _wrong_ with him. 

“Kiyoomi-kun?” Sakusa’s math teacher called his name, attempting to catch the attention of his forever wandering mind. “Sorry, what was the question?” Sakusa could feel it; the dirt, the _germs._ It’s all he could think about, it’s all he could always think about...the disgusting germs crawling around on his skin, in his clothes, they were _everywhere._ “No question, just please pay attention.” His teacher smiled at him before patting his shoulder. 

Underneath his thick mask, Sakusa wore a look of distress. _She touched me...her germs...her filth...it’s all on me._ “Hey, Sakusa-san!” Sakusa heard a voice whisper and a hand lightly tap his shoulder. _Another one...another one?!_ He slowly turned his body towards the voice, trying not to make too much noise as the teacher was still giving her lecture. “What?” He responded coldly, like always, not interested in being nice, nice leads to friends and friends led to more germs. “Atsumu-san said to pass this to you,” His classmate held out her hand, a crumpled up piece of paper in the center of it. 

Sakusa took the note into his gloved hands and quickly turned back around. He un-crumpled the messy note, **_omi omi, you wanna come over tonight? my parents won’t be home;) anyway, lemme know._ ** Sakusa stared at his boyfriend's note. _It’s going to be so dirty...you don’t want that...that’s disgusting._ He listened to his thoughts, but he was saddened by them...of course, he wanted to spend the night at his boyfriend’s house but, he is just too paralyzed by the thought of all the germs most-likely crawling around in Atsumu’s room. He picked up his pen and wrote a letter back, **_atsumu, first off, don’t call me omi omi. second, will it be clean? like spotless atsumu?_ **“Hand this to Atsumu-san,” Sakusa whispered, handing the note back to his classmate, she nodded, tossing the note about five feet to Atsumu.

Sakusa watched as Atsumu caught the paper, his boyfriend smirking directly at him. He rolled his eyes, facing his attention back to the lecture. A moment later, he receives another crumpled note, **_yes, it will be clean. i swear by it. just please come:) for me:)_ ** Sakusa sighed, giving in to the setter. He could never truly refuse Atsumu, he loved him too much, although he’d never say that to Atsumu. He wrote back once again, **_fine. if you swear it’ll be clean...then i guess i can come over._ **Atsumu smiled reading Sakusa’s note. He nodded his head at his boyfriend as if he were promising through his eyes. Sakusa gave his boyfriend a skeptical look back. 

At the end of class, about thirty minutes later, Sakusa gathered up his textbooks and pencils and things before rushing out of the classroom. _I have to get the filth off...I have to get it off…_ He speedily walked through the hallways, aiming directly for the bathrooms, again. He walked into the small high school bathroom, the door slamming behind him. He tossed his gloves into the trash and rolled up his sleeves. He turned the water all the way to freezing cold and pulled out his own, disinfected, container of soap. 

Only twenty seconds into his minute-long routine, Sakusa was startled by the sound of someone entering the bathroom. He _hated_ when that happened, what if their germs got into his soap? Or water? Then he’d have to start over. “Omi omi...ya’ okay?” Ah, Atsumu. “Yes, I’m fine. Why?” Sakusa focused intensely on finishing his hand washing, “Ya’ just- ya’ ran out of class pretty fast today. Bad day?” Yes. Sakusa was having a bad day, he could really, _really_ feel the germs today. “No, I just wanted to wash my hands now, to get it over with before next class.” 

He finally finished his routine, drying his hands with, yet again, his own disinfected cloth. “Ah, well, then I’ll see ya’ after next class...ya’ are coming over right?” Sakusa nodded, “As long as it’s-” “Clean. I know It will be...See ya’ then Omi!” Atsumu cheerfully skipped out the door, not forgetting to hold it open for Sakusa so he didn’t have to touch the door handle. Sakusa smiled slightly, noticing his boyfriend’s little gesture. The two parted ways and went to their last classes of the day, Sakusa in English and Atsumu in gym. 

Sakusa always found that focusing on little things, hobbies almost, was what helped him the most when his phobia was having a bad day. He loved art, or he loved the _idea_ of art, the lead from the pencil or paint or ink from the pen or marker always bothered him, it gets everywhere, it smudges. So, as a child, he would lay in bed and imagine himself freely painting, not stopping to worry about how much dust is around him, how many germs there are inside of the paint...he could simply just be happy for a moment. 

At the end of class, Sakusa walked across the school to the gym to meet Atsumu. He always waited outside of the gym to meet his boyfriend, he hated the sweat and grime of the gym, anything inside of there that wasn’t volleyball, he really couldn’t deal with. “Hey! Sakusa-san!” Sakusa looked up from his shoes to see his classmate from earlier, the girl who handed him Atsumu’s note. He grimaced, she had clearly just come from the gym, sweat beading on her hairline. “Hey.” He dryly responded. “S-so, if it isn’t weird or anything...I was wondering, are you and Atsumu-san...like, a thing?” Sakusa’s breath hitched in his throat, he and Atsumu had decided when they first got together that it was best to keep their relationship a secret, on the account that Atsumu’s fangirl club would probably kill Sakusa. 

“U-uh, no. No, we’re not.” He returned his gaze to the ground, “Oh, well okay! So it would be okay for me to...confess to him?” She blushed as if looking for Sakusa to give her some sort of confirmation. Sakusa chuckled, even if he wasn’t dating Atsumu, the girl had no chance in hell at Atsumu, he had a specific taste. “W-what’s so funny?” She asked, confused. “Nothing, nothing. Just have fun with your confession or whatever.” He nonchalantly looked in the opposite direction from her. She shrugged and walked back into the gym, leaving Sakusa alone with his thoughts. _The germs Sakusa...they’re all over you. They’re crawling all over you. You have to get clean, now. C’mon, you have to._ Sakusa took out his hand sanitizer, squirting it all over his hands and wrists. 

_That’s it, the more you clean, the less germs there’ll be. Clean, clean, clean, Sakusa._ “Omi omi!” Atsumu yelled as he approached the ace. “Ya’ ready to go?” The truth is, Atsumu had been two hours late to school today because he had been deep cleaning the entire house just for Sakusa, he wanted Sakusa to feel as comfortable as he could. “Yeah, let’s go.” The two began walking to Atsumu’s place, only ten minutes from the school. Once they reached the house, Atsumu opened the door for Sakusa, as he always does. Sakusa stepped into the home, the cleanliness actually taking him by surprise. “What? Can’t believe I can actually clean up?” Atsumu chuckled. Sakusa wondered where his boyfriend’s twin was, he tended to be the dirtier one anyway. “Oh, and don’t worry about ‘Samu, he’s at Suna’s place.” God, Sakusa swore Atsumu could read his mind. 

“Oh. Well, thank you for cleaning.” Sakusa faked a small smile. Today was one of the bad days, and it just kept getting worse...he was slowly beginning to lose it, he felt as though his body was being infected with germs and dirt and everything in between. “Yeah whatever, it’s nothin’. Anyway...ya’ hungry?” Sakusa was hungry, he was always hungry...but, what about the _germs._ He didn’t know what was in Atsumu’s kitchen, or his food, he didn’t know if it was properly disinfected. “No, I’m fine. Thanks.” Atsumu nodded, grabbing himself a glass of water and an apple. “Let’s go to my room yeah?” The two walked into Atsumu’s room, taking a seat on his bed. “Everything comfortable?” Atsumu always worried about his boyfriend, he knew how bad Sakusa’s phobia could get. 

“Yeah, everything's fine…” Sakusa’s eyes met Atsumu for a moment, he figured he should make the lie believable. “I promise, ‘Tsumu.” Atsumu softly smiled, his boyfriend always refused to use nicknames. The two shifted their attention to his small TV, and sat in front of the bed. “Ya’ wanna watch something?” Sakusa nodded, “relaxing” deeper into the bed. Atsumu flicked through a few movies, having trouble finding anything interesting enough for the two. He groaned and hopped off the bed, walking to his closet. Sakusa watched his boyfriend rummage through the most likely _disgusting_ space. “Yes!” The blonde exclaimed, having finally found what he was looking for; Sakusa and his favorite old movie. 

“Look what I found Omi,” He proudly held the movie in the air as he climbed back onto the bed. “Uh? A movie?” Upon closer inspection though, he realized what movie it was. “Oh, that movie.” He smiled...internally, but still, he smiled. It was nice to think that Atsumu remembered the movie, it was the romance movie they’d watched on their first date, which happened to be in Atsumu’s room. “Yes, _that_ movie Sakusa.” Atsumu rolled his eyes at Sakusa’s dry response, but he knew deep down Sakusa cared. 

He put the movie into the DVD player on his TV. The movie began, the soft classical music playing during the opening credits. _Sakusa they’re on you...they’re everywhere. Go clean, you have to go clean._ Sakusa could almost tear up at the discomfort he felt, despite his boyfriend’s efforts, he couldn’t get past it; the feeling of the _germs,_ knowing they were _everywhere._ He could never truly escape the _filth,_ that’s what always bothered him, the constant fear of knowing they’re all over the place. He began to panic a bit but made sure not to let Atsumu know that. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick,” Atsumu watched his boyfriend quickly get up from the bed, almost sprinting to the door. “Omi, ya’ okay?!” He yelled after the ace. Sakusa held his breath as he ran, not wanting to inhale the germs. _Shouldn't have left your mask in your bag Sakusa._ “Yeah! Just had to piss bad!” He yelled back as he entered the bathroom.

 _Soap, soap, soap, soap._ Sakusa threw off his sweater. _Shower, shower, shower, shower._ He hastily stripped out of his clothes and turned the shower on, jumping in as soon as the first drop of water hit the floor. He grabbed the soap bottle from the top shelf and squirted it all over his body, _and_ onto a sponge. He began scrubbing. _Scrub it off Sakusa, get it off, get it all off._

Atsumu sat in silence on his bed. He could hear the sound of the shower running, he knew that Sakusa didn’t want to hurt his feelings and that’s why he lied about being comfortable. His heart always hurt for his boyfriend, he wished he could take it all away, the mysophobia, the discomfort. He decided to go check on him, make sure he knew that it was okay if he didn’t want to spend the night, or that he understood Sakusa’s discomfort. He slowly got up, making his way to the bathroom door down the hall. 

Sakusa couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop scrubbing. It’s as if he just couldn’t get clean. No matter how hard he scrubbed, he couldn’t get clean enough. He began slightly weeping, feeling his skin scratch against the rough sponge. _More more more more. Not clean yet. Not clean yet._ He scrubbed harder, they really were everywhere. “Please, please, please.” He cried, he was scrubbing so hard that his skin began to blister, but he couldn’t stop, he _mustn't._

Atsumu stopped dead in front of the door, hearing his boyfriend’s crying. He never heard Sakusa cry... ever. His heart broke. “C’mon come off, come off.” Sakusa cried once again. Atsumu needed to comfort him, he had to. He reached his hand to the doorknob, face falling when he realized it was locked. He leaned his head against the door quietly. 

“Why?! Why won’t they come off?! Please they have to come off!” Sakusa spiraled into a panic, scrubbing his damaged skin harder and harder by the second. Atsumu let tears fall from his eyes, he couldn’t stand hearing his Omi in pain, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He slid his back against the door, sitting on the cold floor. He heard his boyfriend struggle and cry, Atsumu himself began crying, “Please make it stop. I’ll do anything- j-just please take his pain away, please.” He buried his face into his knees, he didn’t exactly know who he was asking for help, he just hoped they did. 

Sakusa screamed in agony, scratching his nails at his own skin. _Yes, yes try that. Scratch them off. That has to work, it has to._ Atsumu cried, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Sakusa, Sakusa can ya’ let me in?” His voice was shaking. Sakusa couldn’t _do_ anything, he couldn’t open the door, he’d have to touch the doorknob, infected with who knows what? He just continued scrubbing, adding more and more soap. 

“Sak- Omi Omi...please, please let me in.” Atsumu prayed for a miracle, that Sakusa would muster up the courage to at least open the door. Sakusa cried, “No! N-No I can’t…” Atsumu clenched his fists with frustration, the only thing between him and his panicking boyfriend was this stupid fucking door. He decided to just break the lock, a doorknob is nowhere _near_ as important to Atsumu as Sakusa was. He ran into his room, grabbing his toolbox from the depths of the closet. He hurried back to the bathroom door, throwing open the toolbox and taking the hammer. 

With one, swift swing, Atsumu broke the knob and pushed open the door. He dropped the hammer as soon as he got into the small bathroom, running to the open shower. “Hey, hey Omi?” Atsumu concernedly opened the shower curtain. He stared in horror at the sight before him; Sakusa sitting on the shower floor, roughly scrubbing his skin. Atsumu wasted no time climbing into the shower, fully clothed. “N-no the filth won’t come off! Why won’t it just come off?!” The ace cried. 

Atsumu knew it could make Sakusa worse, but he grabbed his hands, pulling them away from Sakusa’s trembling, blistered body. “Omi, hey, Omi look at me.” Atsumu placed a kiss on the two worn hands. “I’m not gonna hurt ya’ okay? The germs t-they're not gonna hurt ya’. I promise.” Sakusa simply began crying once again, “No you d-don’t understand...They-they’re everywhere,” He reached for the sponge again, needing to continue disinfecting himself. “If I don’t c-clean myself...they’ll take over.” Atsumu shoved the sponge across the shower with his foot. “It’s okay Omi, it’s okay...yer gonna be okay.” He wrapped his hands around Sakusa’s body, doing the best he could to comfort him. “No, you don’t get it! You don’t get it!” Sakusa cried of distress. Not only was Atsumu _touching_ him but he just couldn’t get fucking _clean._

Atsumu’s lip began to quiver as tears fell down his skin. Sakusa was right, Atsumu didn’t get it...he just knew it caused his boyfriend pain and he hated it. About five minutes later, Sakusa was finally calm enough to at least talk. “Omi…” Sakusa’s head fell, he knew what was coming. “Why didn’t ya’ just tell me? That today’s a bad day?” Sakusa stayed silent, now knowing exactly how to answer. Atsumu sighed, “N-nevermind. I don’t care about that right now. B-but what can I do for ya’? Do y n-need anything? O-or I could take ya’ home?” Atsumu’s voice shook, he was a little shaken up from the previous events. “C-could we go to your r-room?” Sakusa managed to sputter out. “Y-yeah of course...ya’ sure?” Sakusa eyes his boyfriend closely, “Why wouldn’t I be,” “It’s just- I want ya’ to be comfortable...for real. Would ya’ please tell me if you’re uncomfortable at all? I l- I care about you a lot and I _hated_ seeing you like that, in pain. 

The two walked back down the hall to Atsumu’s room. Once inside Sakusa immediately sat on the corner of the bed, making sure not to touch any unnecessary germs. Atsumu glanced at his trembling, scared, naked boyfriend while going through his clothes, attempting to find Sakusa something clean to wear. “Here, ya’ wanna put these on?” He handed the ace some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sakusa shook his head slowly, “Omi...I swear they’re clean, I washed all of my clothes this morning.” Sakusa shook his head once again, “No, there are too m-many germs.” The blonde sighed, knowing he wouldn’t win this. He discarded the clothes back into the closet. “Y-ya’ wanna talk?” Atsumu offered, taking a distanced seat next to his boyfriend. “Can we just- can we just sleep?”

Atsumu felt so badly for Sakusa, he just wanted his boyfriend to feel okay. “Yeah, sure.” The two lay in silence on the large bed, Atsumu could _feel_ Sakusa’s discomfort. “Omi-” He was cut off by the sudden sound of Sakusa crying. “I’m sorry ‘Tsumu! I ruined everything I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Atsumu wasted no time in pulling Sakusa close to his body, holding him as if it was the end of the world. “It’s okay, you didn’t ruin everything. I promise.” 

Sakusa cried, all night long he cried, he begged for his phobia to be taken away, he begged to be normal. And all night, Atsumu was there, comforting him, holding him. “Omi...I’m so sorry I didn’t do anything to help. I shouldn’t have even pressured you to come here tonight.” Sakusa wiped his teary, puffy, red eyes, “It’s not your fault, I _wanted_ to come ‘Tsumu. It’s my own fault, my own stupid mind.” He trailed off. “Don’t ya’ ever call yerself stupid. Yer the farthest thing I know from stupid.” Atsumu traced shapes into Sakusa’s red, blistered skin, tears forming yet again as he dragged his finger over the blisters and scratches covered in dried blood. He let a few tears fall onto his back, “A-are you crying?” Sakusa asked, keeping his head faced away from the blonde. “I just hate that this has to happen to you. I wish you were able to lead a normal life, one without your phobia,” 

“It’s-” “B-but, I also want ya’ to know that...that I won’t stop loving ya’. I don’t hate ya'cause of it, and I never will. Ya’ have to understand that.” Sakusa’s eyes widened, “Y-you love me?” Sakusa had never been told I love you before, no one’s ever loved him, you can’t possibly love someone who won’t hug you...or kiss you. “Yeah, Omi. I do. I love you, so much.”

“Do you promise?” 

Sakusa stared at the blank wall in front of him, waiting for a response. He felt the subtle touch of Atsumu’s smooth, warm hand on his cheek, turning him to face the setter. 

“I promise.” 

  
  
  


****

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked...Pls comment what you thought:)  
> Drink some water and eat something pls, mwah;)


End file.
